Whine Alert

If you read this far, you have no one to blame but yourself lol. I have a few things to say about being sick. Unless you have had the same problem I am having, you really can't fathom what kind of torture it is. It's the worse thing in the world (in my mind, anyway) to be a foodie and not be able to eat. I love food, love to cook it and love to eat it. For the past 4 months, my repertoire of 'foods I can eat without having having pain or vomitting' is slowly dwindling. I can't eat most of the food I like. In fact, I have found that even foods which didn't bother me to eat 2 months ago, now I can no longer eat. It's very frustrating having to watch other people eat so I try to stay away from other people as much as possible. I know hubby doesn't intentionally do it, but he wants me to fix food for him and he doesn't understand just what torture that is. Dammit, I wanna eat!!!! What's bad, is that I have other, much more serious issues with my health (so far as things that could be fatal) but I find myself dwelling more and more on the not eating. Until you can't do it, you don't realize just how enjoyable eating is. Even if I could eat comfortably once or twice a week, I would be okay with that! I no longer get to enjoy anything resembling a 'meal'. Sometimes I can eat mashed potatoes, sometimes I can eat pudding, sometimes I can even eat ravioli but I can't eat any vegetables, most meats, pastas and grains are off limits, eggs are off limits, too much dairy of any sort is off limits, raw fruit is off limits. well really raw anything. I am losing weight like nobody's business, but this isn't the type of diet I would recommend. I might not mind so much if I had a weight problem to begin with, but I don't and I can't afford to lose any more weight. I already look like a skeleton with skin stretched over it (except for my belly, I have a little bit of weight there because I have had 5 kids) and this can't go on. Hubby keeps telling me to drink broth. Ummm can we say 'yuck'? That will do nothing to fill me up, I am starving. I am used to having lots of high calorie food whenever I want. I don't want flavored water. Not to mention, most spices are also off limits so it wouldn't even be really good water. At this point, I am getting totally frustrated. I feel like I am going on a hunger strike, without wanting to. I do know I can't continue like this, I'm going nuts and starving while doing so. By the way, I know I keep using the word 'starving' but that's really how I feel. This has totally consumed my every waking moment and I can't sleep much because when I lay down, it makes me want to vomit more. I have thrown up more in these last 4 months than I ever have in the whole rest of my life combined. Doctors tried to give me medicine but it made me throw up worse. Surgery is the only thing that is going to fix it, in my opinion, and right now that's just not an option. Okay, end of rant. I will try to be back later with a more 'positive' attitude :)