Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Addiction
This is a topic that I feel gets ignored quite often and it really needs to come to light. My family has suffered through an addiction. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. For a long time, I didn't want to believe myself that is was an issue, now, 24 years later, I realize just how all consuming it was. I didn't think it was exactly right how we were living but I kind of figured, 'well. everyone has problems of some sort, right?' Now I realize how by my actions, I let things go on for way longer than I should have. Not that I could have stopped him, you can't stop an addict until they want to quit, but I could have reduced mine and my children's exposure to it. I always thought things would get better and they would for a short time but before long we were always back to the bills not getting paid, losing our electricity, water and even our home. Why did I live with that? Like I said, I thought everyone had problems and it was my job to deal with what I had. I do love my husband and that's a lot of the reason why I stuck it out so long. Had I known then, what I know now, I would have left immediately. By my staying, I was enabling him and basically telling him, with my actions, that it was okay to treat us that way. Once I finally got tired of it and left, he would promise to change, which would sometimes last a year or so, then it would be right back where it was before. Sadly to say, nothing I did was what finally opened his eyes. It all happened a couple of years ago. We had been arguing (as usual) and he decided he was going to stay out in his 'man cave' so he wouldn't have to talk to any of us. He was out there the entire day and finally about 9pm, he came to the house, went to the bedroom and went straight back out there, never speaking to any of us. A short time later, one of the kids told me he wanted to tell me something and asked if I would come there. I went out there and he was passed out, I struggled to get him to wake up enough to tell me what was going on. He had taken a handful of pills (while drinking) so he could just end it all. I immediately called 911 and told my daughter what was going on so she could keep her son away from it all. She went with me back out to the man cave and she found his suicide note. By now, the fire department was there so I told them what I knew and they took him to the nearest emergency room. The hospital asked my permission to involuntarily commit him for psychiatric evaluation. I agreed. The very last thing I wanted was for one of us to stumble across his dead body. After he woke up and was aware enough to realize what had happened, he was horrified. He doesn't remember taking anything or writing the note and that's what scared him into finally quitting for good. He said he couldn't imagine us finding him dead and that if he continued, it may happen. He has been sober for over 2 years now and I am just now finding out who he really is. I only knew him as a drunk and an addict see. Now we still argue but part of it is because we are now 2 entirely different people. I try to let him know when I see something I think he can fix and he does try to work on it. I am also working to change my way of thinking because for so many years I was an enabler and I can no longer be that if he is to have any chance at success. I'm not saying he doesn't ultimately make up his own mind but it is easier for him to choose wrong if I encourage it so I have to watch what and how I say everything. If you are in a situation like that, don't close your eyes to it, no matter which side you are on. You never know when it's going to be something that haunts you or your loved ones for the rest of your life. There are loads of free programs out there that will help you either stop being an addict/ alcoholic or enabling it in others. Take advantage of them before it's too late. It's very easy to not see the forest for the trees. By this I mean, when you're in a situation like that, it's easy to ignore just how bad it is. Listen to your family and friends, they aren't living what you are and can usually see it much clearer than you can.
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